Well since I don't have a humor page on my first Realm page then I should put one here don't ya think. In here are jokes, stories, and other humorous items that I have either received, thought up, or found in other places. No I will not take credit where I don't deserve it and I ask you to send me as much as you want...whether it be dirty, sick, just plain weird, or outright hilarious...send them in and I will probably put them up. I will take any type of text except text from Mac's...(sorry I don't have a mac comp) but I can do RTF TXT or DOC...I cant do WPD yet but im working on it..

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa! Easy boy !!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet
13. paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
14. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
16. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
17. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks
18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down you "Cross-Dressors Anonymous"newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

1. How  do you get a blonde to marry you?   Tell her she's pregnant.
2. How do you drown a blonde?   Put a Scratch and Sniff on the bottom of the bathtub.
3. What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract men?   Her feet.
4. What does a blonde say after sex?   Are you guys all on the same team?
5. Why don't blondes like to eat pickles?   Their head gets stuck in the jar.
6. How do you tell a blonde is stressed?   There's a tampon behind her ear and who knows where the pencil is.
7. What do you call 20 blondes in a circle?   A dope ring.
8. What did the blonde say after the doctor told her she was pregnant?   Are you sure its mine?
9. What do you call a group of blondes in a freezer?   Frosted Flakes.
10. Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence? To see what was on the other side.
11. What do you call 12 blondes standing side by side?   A wind tunnel.
12. What do blondes and computers have in common?   You never appreciate them until they go down on you.
13. What is the difference between a smart blonde and big foot?   Big Foot has been sighted.
14. What do blondes and screen doors have in common?  The harder you slam them the looser they get.
15. Why don't blondes like to make kool-aid?   They cant fit 8 quarts of water in that tiny package.
16. How do you totally confuse a blonde?  Give her a bag of M & Ms and tell her to put them in alphabetical order.
17. What do blondes and cow pies have in common?  The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
18. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?  She opens the car door.
19. What do blondes and turtles have in common? Once they're on their backs they're screwed.
20. What's the mating call of a blonde?   I think I'm Drunk.
21. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?   That's where all veggies go.
22. Why does a blonde have T.G.I.F. on her shoes?   Toes Go In First.
23. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?   They're both empty from the neck up.
24. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?   Pull the pin and throw it back.
25. Why do blondes like tilt steering?    More head room.
26. How do you get a blondes eyes to sparkle?   Shine a flashlight in her ear.
27. What do you call a zit on a blondes butt?   A brain tumor.
28. What's the advantage to being married to a blonde?   You can park in the handicapped places.
29. What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?   She goes home.
30. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? I don't know I don't know.
31. Why did the blonde cross the road?   Never mind that what was she doing outta the bedroom?
32. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?   Tell her a joke on Friday.
33. What do you call a brunette between two blondes?   An interpreter.
34. If a blonde and a brunette both jumped off a building at the same, who would land first? The brunette--The blonde would have to stop and ask directions.
35. Two blondes were walking along and came to some tracks.  One blonde said, "These look like deer tracks." And the other said, "No they look like moose tracks."  They were still arguing when the train hit them.
36. What did the blonde call her pet zebra?   Spot.
37. How can you tell when a blonde has been using your word processor?  Whiteout on the screen.
38. How is a dumb blonde different then a 747?   Not everyone has been in a 747.
39. Why do blondes wear underwear?   To keep their ankles warm.
40. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate cookies? 5, 1 to stir and 4 to skin the M&M's.

 
The Eternal Horoscope

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 22)
    You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone things you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23-Mar 22)
    You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23-Apr 22)
    You have a wile imagination and often think you are are being followed by the FBI or the CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dip shit.

Taraus (Apr 23-May 22)
    You are practicll and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Mose people think you are stubborn and bll headed. You are nothing but a goddammed communist.

Gemini (May 23-June 22)
    You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23-July 22)
    You are sympothetic and understanding to other people's problems. which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
    You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieveing motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more then they do sex.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
    Your are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shitpicking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
    You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for emplyment and monetary gain are nil. Most libra women are whores. All libro die of venerial desease.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22)
    You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted., You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect Son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
    You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 19)
    You are conservitave and afraid of taking risks. Basically you are chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importence. You should kill yourself.

Now if any body takes this horoscope seriously I will be majorly pissed off.
This is a joke and I don't wanna see anybody dead or hurt.....its all in fun.




I do believe that that's all that i got for right now......Please send me your jokes and other humorous things and I will publish them.